Though devastated, I can't recall crying at my father's death. While at my mother's funeral. I could barely sing. My throat choked and my eyes streamed.
It's not that I loved my father any less than my mother. I'd changed.
Looking back, my younger self seems cold. Suppressing my feelings? I don't know.
Tears didn't come to younger me. Having children changed that.
I'm sure that having children tipped me emotionally. I don't know why, or how. But it did.
I never used to cry. Now I do all the time. Not from sadness. But from joy. From empathy. Music, beauty. All can invoke tears.
Teenage me would have been ashamed, embarrassed. Wanted to hide such a raw expression of emotion.
Adult me couldn't give a shit about hiding my feelings. Other than from my kids. Who wants to see their father cry?
Music sets me off most. A melody so wonderful that my eyes leak uncontrollably. Like Face à la mer.
Emotion? I think it's a good thing.
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3 comments:
Being the same age as you, I can relate.
Agreed - nothing wrong with being emotional and showing it. What fascinates me is the triggers. I don't particularly enjoy sentimental films but when my partner puts one on I sometimes find myself blubbing. (Last example, in case you're interested, was the "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" on Netflix.)
Thanks for sharing the "Face à la mer" link!
Thanks for writing that. More men should be at ease about this kind of thing.
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