Punch taling the piss out of a school of brewing

Everyone seems to have found the idea of teaching brewing at university hilarious. So much so, there was an article parodying the school in the magazine Punch.

The Proposed School of Brewing.
(From Punch.)
OXFORD, 2,000 A.D.
[“The Midland University, which is being formed at Birmingham, will, in one respect, be quite unique amongst the Universities of Great Britain, for it has been decided to establish in connection with it a school of brewing. There will be a chair of brewing, and the training will be of the fullest. ... A special brewing laboratory will be established contiguous to the University buildings."— Westminster Gazette.]

On reading the above, Mr. Punch was seriously perturbed. What about Oxford and Cambridge? How would they stand such competition? Would they be cut out of the field by their up-to-date rival? Obviously there was but one way to answer these questions, and accordingly Mr. Punch’s Special Prophetic Interviewer was dispatched to the Isis.

At the first glimpse it was obvious that, whatever else had happened, Oxford was not deserted. Great changes had, however, been effected. The spires and towers had all disappeared, and in their place rose a forest of tall chimneys. The S. P. I. made his way to Christ Church, which indeed he had some difficulty in recognising. Tom Quad and the Cathedral had been pulled down to make room for a huge red-brick building, whence issued a continuous stream of brewer’s drays driven by undergrads in cap and gown. The S. P. I. entered. A large audience were listening to Dr. Vatz, the Dean, who was lecturing on the Chemistry of Bitters, samples of which were handed round the class at frequent intervals. It appeared to be a very popular lecture. At its conclusion the S. P. I. presented himself to the Dean, who kindly volunteered as cicerone.

“Great changes?” remarked the Dean. “No doubt there are. Why, in your time, there wasn’t even a chair of Brewing. This is the Bottling Department. Most of the undergraduates here are Freshmen. That man in the scholar’s gown? He is one of our most promising students, and has already taken the Hertford and Ireland. No," added the Dean, smiling indulgently at the S. P. I's ignorance, “these are no longer classical scholarships, they are given for Malting and Brewing.”
The Brewers' Journal vol. 35 1899, January 15th 1899, page 7.

They imagined that beer wouldn't be the only industry taught at the university.

“Then is beer the only profession now taught in Oxford?" “By no means. In Balliol they make whisky, in All Soles, boots and shoes, and so forth. But here we don’t do much but brewing. Christ Church is still the aristocratic college, you know. Even in your time brewers were a majority of the House of Lords—not a majority ? Well, a big percentage, at all events.”

“And classics?”

The Dean laughed. “Of course, the old regime died hard. Balliol was the Pioneer of the new Oxford Movement, and when she first put up her whisky laboratory. Convocation and Congregation protested to a curate. But the change had to come. Birmingham was beating us everywhere. The aristocracy were all going there, Birmingham Bachelors of Brewing and Doctors of Distilling were getting every post in the country worth having."
The Brewers' Journal vol. 35 1899, January 15th 1899, page 7.

The article finishes with some good, old-fashioned sexism.

“And what about the women?”

“Of course, the New Movement affected them too. Somerville is now a steam-laundry with a mangling laboratory, and Lady Margaret’s is a school of cookery where they read for degrees in the domestic arts. But I must be off," cried the Dean, “to visit the fermenting bins, or the Freshmen will be poisoning themselves with the carbonic acid. Before you leave Oxford, you should run round and see the improvements at the Ashmolean. It used to be a library, didn’t it ? Now it’s the University Co-operative Stores, where undergraduates do their practical work for the shopwalkers’ degree."

So the S. P. I. returned to town, satisfied that Oxford will hold her own with her pushful younger sister.
The Brewers' Journal vol. 35 1899, January 15th 1899, page 7.

All very amusing, I'm sure you'll agree. Well, and incredibly snobbish and condescending.