Shut up about Barclay Perkins: Pirate time

Sunday, 17 August 2025

Pirate time

No rush to get up today. I drag my lazy arse out of bed at around 11. Andrew is still away with the fairies, obviously.

I make myself a cheese sandwich while I fiddle with my fliptop. Writing up yesterday. I’m being so diligent.

What are we going to do today? Visit a brewery. I look up where the ones that have been recommended to me are. All well out of town. A quick search reveals that there's one at the other end of Murray Street: Pirate Life. That'll do. It's about a 10-minute walk.

It's raining again. It's barely stopped since we arrived.

"Ooh look - there's another brewery over the road." I remark.

"We can maybe drop by there later."

"Seems like there are more breweries than pubs. Weird."

Inside Pirate Life, Perth. Almost all the tables and chairs are empty. In the distance, two people are sitting looking out of the window. On the left is the end of the bar counter. Above the window, there's a large TV screen. On it, two men in suits sit behind a long, oval desk. Above that, meon lights say: "Loose kips sink ships". On a chair in the middle ground hangs my tatty summer jacket.

Pirate Life is pretty empty. Given its enormous size, it looks deserted with just half a dozen punters. A bit of a strange name for a brewery. Makes it sound like some sort of weird pirate-themed place. Which it isn’t.

There’s a long bar along one wall. With the shiny brewing stuff along the wall opposite, sunken down a level. It’s not enormous kit. About what you’d expect for a place of this size.

We begin with a Bright IPA for me, Pilsner for Andrew. My beer is pretty decent. Andrew is drinking his so enthusiastically, I assume he likes it. Or just very thirsty. Or a pisshead. You decide.

I'm drinking a bit slowly and I'm only halfway through my pint when Anrew is ready for another. He gets a different Lager. He does like his Lagery stuff.

There's an Aussie rules programme on the TV. Which makes a change from the football continually on TV in South America.

For my second beer I get an IIPA.

"The strongest beer on tap, I see." Andrew says. "What a coincidence."

“Totally.”

“Yeah, right.”

At 5 it's happy hour. With some beers at $10. Yippee. We take advantage. Obviously.

Two large glasses of beer on a yable. One is sludge, the other clear. In the background some nlokes are standing with their arses to us. A well-placed chair and glass spare us the sight of any actual arses. Phew.

A few more customers have wandered in. But it’s still pretty empty. I suppose it is early on a Tuesday evening.

On the way to the bogs, I get some idea of how big the place is, stretching far to the back. With one section set up for eating and at the very rear a games room.

After happy hour is done, we decant over the road, to the Generous Squire. It's slightly weird inside. More like a burger joint than a brewery. Not exactly comfortable or atmospheric.Soulless is the word.

Inside the Generous Squire, Perth. In the foreground is an empty table. In the left middle ground, a couple are eating a meal. In the rear background there are more emoty yables and chairs. And a TV hing high on the wall. So cosy.

Andrew gets a Pilsner and I get a Juicy Lucy. It isn't very good. I’m now thinking that we should have stayed over the road and got food there. All the beers I tried there were pretty decent.

We order some food. Chips for Andrew, crispy pork bites for me. They're pretty good. Unlike my beer. Which is total shit.

“Do you want to finish my beer, Andrew?”

“It tastes that bad?”

“What do you mean?”

“You wouldn’t be giving away a good beer.”

He’s a cynical bastard, Andrew. Don’t know where he got that from.

“Bugger off.” I’m still as sharp as a pin.

A table in the Generous Squire. With a basket of crispy pork, scattered with sesame seedsin the foreground. In the background, there's a pint of Lager, a basket of chips and past of Andrew's left hand.

There’s cricket on the TV. Some weird competition with veteran players. England vs West Indies. From Northampton. With about 20 spectators. Real high-power stuff.

We leave at 20:15. Stopping by Woollies on the way back to get some more cola and crisps. The streets are pretty empty. Again. No-one is about. Apart from in Woollies. Oh, and it’s raining again. Or should I say, it’s still raining. I don’t recall it stopping at any point today.

“Where the fuck is everyone? And don’t say that they’re avoiding me.”

“Dodging the rain?”

“That’s better.”

“Happy to oblige.”

Andrew can be a sarcastic git.

Back in our room, we vibe together as we drink some Bundaberg rum and watch YouTube.

Pirate Life Perth
TOMA/440 Murray St,
Perth WA 6000.

The Generous Squire
397 Murray St,
Perth WA 6000.
https://thegeneroussquire.com.au/