Monday, 23 December 2019
When I started this - sometine in the past I can't remember exactly when - I never expected this tradition to last beyond Boxing Day.
But here I am after (check number of years) years still peddling this shite.
To take Brexit into account, there's a different set of required items this year. So pay close attention to what follows, or you won't be fully able to take part in the most wonderful event of the year.
4 pieces of string (this year 2 medium and 2 long: no short string)
3 bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a depressing year)
1 egg, boiled, semi-hard
1 egg, boiled, dead hard
1 egg, boiled, die hard
1 medium rare chicken fillet
3 more bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a damn depressing year)
12 bottles of St. Bernardus Abt
3 more bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a bloody depressing year)
1 egg, soft boiled
3 more bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a shitty depressing year)
4 elastic bands, blue (no other colours are acceptable, not even turquoise)
1 carrot that's been up a reindeer's arse.
1 mouse trap
A Salty Dog (the album)
3 more bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a bastard depressing year)
A bag of salt
Salt of the earth
3 more bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a fucking depressing year)
Really thick string
Quite clever string
2 racists (boxed)
3 raw eggs
Maybe some more Lagavullin. Just in case.