Butcher's Tears Pivo Festival

A couple of times a year, Butcher's Tears is home to a beer festival. There's the Franconian Anstich Festival, featuring gravity-served Lager. And the Pivo Festival, with Czech Lager. I really enjoy both.

Now the Berlin Beer Festival is no more, I get very few opportunities to drink good Czech Lager. Fuck all, really. Which is pretty annoying. I'd much rather get stuck into half litres of good drinking beer than piss around with thimbles of sludge.

It's also a day out for the family. Though Alexei took a bit of persuading. He kept insisting he had studying to do. Where is his sense of priorities? Obviously, drinking Czech beer takes preference. Especially as he wasn't paying for it.

I went for amber or dark beers. Dolores and the kids for the pale ones. The selection of both was pretty good. I made sure that I got some of the Fleku 13º, having missed out last year. It's still as good as ever. Though the Cernokostolecky 13º was its equal. The Vinoharadske amber 13º was another cracker.

No detailed report, as I've a nice lump of pork to roast. I will leave you with some photos. As you'll see, it got pretty damn crowded.

1929 Bohemian Lagerbier

A little divergence here from my usual UK fare. A foreign recipe. And a Lager one at that.

As you can probably guess by the lack of brewery name, this recipe isn't taken from a brewing record. Instead it's one I've assembled from information found in technical brewing publications. I can't remember which one off the top of my head. But I'm pretty sure it was in German.

This is the type of beer usually associated with the Czech Republic: a Pale Lager of around 5% ABV.

I could also call this by its Czech name, Světlý Ležák, though that is rather harder for most to pronounce. It literally translates as Pale Lagerbier.

The mashing scheme, a triple decoction, is pretty damn complicated. I doubt I could be arsed to go through the process myself. Very time consuming. I’m not going to get involved in any argument about whether there’s any point to decoction mashing with modern malts. I’ll leave that to the experts.

The key to this type of beer is good quality, very pale, two-row barley and good Czech hops. Not complicated, is it? Followed by three months lagering at about 1º C. Should produce a lovely drinking beer (as opposed to a stare at and sip beer).

1929 Bohemian Lagerbier
pilsner malt 2 row	10.75 lb	100.00%
Saaz 120 mins	1.00 oz
Saaz 90 mins	1.00 oz
Saaz 45 mins	2.00 oz
OG	1048
FG	1012
ABV	4.76
Apparent attenuation	75.00%
IBU	52
SRM	3
Mash triple decoction
Boil time	120 minutes
pitching temp	41º F
Yeast	WLP800 Pilsner Lager

This and about three dozen other Lager recipes, can be found in my book Let's Brew!


http://www.lulu.com/shop/ronald-pattinson/lets-brew/paperback/product-23289812.html

Böhmisches Bier

Isn’t this exciting? A look in detail at Czechoslovakian beer in the first few years of the country’s existence.

The chapter begin with a couple of paragraphs on malting. The gist being that you need good pale malt. The way you made it was to start with thin-husked, low protein barley. The malt was dried with hot air, starting at 35-38º C, rising slowly to 60º C. The drying process was slow and lasted at least 24 hours.

Fascinating stuff, but probably not what you’re most interested in. So I’ll quickly move onto the brewing method. Which I paraphrase here:

Per 100 kg of malt 260-270 litres of water are used for mashing and 200 for sparging. Meaning it was a thin mash.

Mashing in is at 35º C. Part of the mash is transferred to the kettle and raised to 65º C for saccharification then brought to the boil in the kettle and boiled for 15 minutes. When this is added back to the main mash the temperature is raised to 52º C.

A second thick mash is boiled in the kettle for 10 minutes and when returned to the main mash the combined temperature should be 65º C.

Now the lauter mash is boiled in the kettle for 15 minutes which when added back to the main mash raises the temperature to mash out at 75º C. The wort is run off after a rest of 35 to 40 minutes.

Sparge water should be at 75º C or a temperature such that when the wort is drawn off it’s at most 70-75º C. If the water is hotter it can dissolve starch from the grains and this can a haze, albeit slight.

The hopping rate is 2 pounds per 50 kg of malt. A quarter of the hops are added as soon as the copper is filling, another quarter after 30 minutes boiling and the last half 45 minutes before the end of the boil. Boiling lasts 2 hours.

To obtain the right aroma and mild hop flavour, only the best Bohemian hops are used and just before the boil ends 1 or 2 pounds of hops are added.

The yeast is pitched at 5º C and fermentation is conducted in a way that ensures it lasts at least 10 days. The pitching rate is 5 litres per 1,000 litres of wort. The OG is 12º Balling and the beer is transferred to lagering vessels at a gravity of 5º Balling.

Schankbiers are brewed to a gravity of 10-10.5º Balling, are equally heavily hopped and are handled like Lagerbier except only lagered for two months. The beers are only left with the bungs open for 2 weeks but then are left under the bunging apparatus for a long time.
Source: Olberg, Johannes (1927) Bömisches Bier in Moderne Braumethoden, pp 59-61, A. Hartleben, Wien & Leipzig.

That’s a very usefully detailed description of how to brew a pale Bohemian Lager. Or rather pale Bohemian Lagerbier and pale Bohemian Schankbier. The Czechs have long been fond of relative weak Lagers, with 10º Plato beers (around 4% ABV) being the most popular.

Olberg forgets to mention how long the Lagerbier was , er, lagered. Probably 3 months.

The hopping rate isn’t crazy at around 6 lbs per quarter of malt. But it’s a lot compared to most 20th-century Lagers. Even Pilsners, a supposedly hop-accented style, were mostly very lightly hopped in comparison to British beers.

As there are three wort boils, I guess the mashing scheme is a triple decoction. Though it isn’t made that clear in the text, the first two decoctions are thick mash, i.e. containing lots of grains and the final one thin mash, i.e. mostly liquid. It’s a pretty classic triple decoction method.

The truth about Pilsner Urquell

Evan Rail has written a wonderful post correcting the Czech entries in the Oxford Companion to Beer. It corrects many errors about the origins of Pilsner Urquell (errors that have appeared in multiple English-language publications). Go and read it. It'll be time well spent.

Horst Dornbusch on Pilsner Urquell

A Zymurgy article by Horst Dornbusch describing the origins of Pilsner Urquell.

"Modern, in Groll's days, meant that the malt had to be finished the new-fangled English way, by drying it in an indirect-fired kiln, instead of a traditional, direct-fired, smoky one. This revolutionary method had been patented by Daniel Wheeler in 1817 as "an Improved Method of Drying and Preparing Malt." This was the first industrial kiln that allowed brewers to make clean-tasting malt predictably of any color, including pale."

"Finally, he [Groll] fermented the wort, not as an ale, but with bottom-fermenting yeast that had apparently been smuggled into Bohemia by an itinerant Bavarian monk. This subterfuge was necessary because the Bavarian government had slapped a ban on all yeast shipments beyond its borders in an effort to safeguard Bavaria's growing beer exports."

How many mistakes can you spot in those two paragraphs?



Thanks to Thomas Barnes for passing this on.

Random 19th century Austro-Hungarian statistics

As part of my occasional series on Anton Dreher and beer in Austria-Hungary, here are some random statistics. Not sure what they tell us.

Beer.—According to the official statements, there existed in the whole Monarchy during the brewing period, 1877-78 (i.e., from the 1st of September, 1877, to the 30th August, 1878), 2,352 breweries in active work, or less by 35 than in the preceding period.

	hectolitres
The quantity brewed in the open country amounted to	10,450,141
That in the towns to	873,303
On the aggregate therefore to	11,323,424
Or as against 1876-77 with	11,538,453
a decrease of	219,009

The decrease in Bohemia amounted to 129,280 hectolitres; in Upper Austria to 74,684; in Galicia to 57,504; whereas Hungary showed an increase of 62,183 hectolitres, and Lower Austria of 21,690.

The import of beer amounted to 2,774 hectolitres only; whereas the export attained the quantity of 214,317 hectolitres, for which the restitutions of the tax amounted to 415,000 fl.

The principal breweries of the Monarchy participated in the abovenamed result with the following quantities, viz :—

Brewery	hectolitres
Schwechat	409,040
St. Marx	362,520
Liesing	286,260
Hiitteldorf	203,685
Ottakring	169,200
Nussdorf	152,340
Simmering	115,668
Brunn	110,375
Jedlersee	99,360
(All these breweries are near Vienna.)
Pilsen (Bohemia)	220,200
Steinfeld (Styria)	123,000
Gratz (Styria)	99,120
Puntigarn (Styria	90.84
Dreher (Budapest)	116,662
Joint Stock Company (Budapest)	103,055

"Reports from Her Majesty's consuls on the manufactures, commerce, etc. of their Consular Districts Part VI Volume 28", 1880, pages 1650-1651.

Now I've worked out what these numbers tell us. That virtually no beer was imported into Austria-Hungary. 2,774 hectolitres? That's about as much beer as I get through in a year.

That was fun, wasn't it? I know, it wasn't. But it's hot and I can't be arsed to write.

Bohemia moves from top- to bottom-fermentation

As you might already have guessed, I've been searching for Anton Dreher in Google Books again. This time it turned up something more fascinating than awestruck tales of the scale of his enterprise. In fact it's hardly anything to do with Dreher at all.

The little table embedded in this text tells a more telling tale. One of the swift change from top- to bottom-fermentation in 19th century Bohemia. It was the start of the Lager boom which still hasn't quite petered out.

"For beer, moreover, the question of temperature is one of supreme importance; indeed the recognised influence of temperature is causing on the continent of Europe a complete revolution in the manufacture of beer. When I was a student in Berlin, in 1851, there were certain places specially devoted to the sale of Bavarian beer, which was then making its way into public favour. This beer is prepared by what is called the process of low fermentation ; the name being given partly because the yeast of the beer, instead of rising to the top and issuing through the bunghole, falls to the bottom of the cask ; but partly, also, because it is produced at a low temperature. The other and older process, called high fermentation, is far more handy, expeditious, and cheap. In high fermentation eight days suffice for the production of the beer; in low fermentation, ten, fifteen, even twenty days are found necessary. Yast quantities of ice, moreover, are consumed in the process of low fermentation. In the single brewery of Dreher, of Vienna, a hundred million pounds of ice are consumed annually in cooling the wort and beer. Notwithstanding these obvious and weighty drawbacks, the low fermentation is rapidly displacing the high upon the continent. Here are some statistics which show the number of breweries of both kinds existing, in Bohemia in 1860, 1865, and 1870 :—

	1865	1870	1875
High Fermentation	281	81	18
Low Fermentation	135	459	831

Thus in ten years the number of high-fermentation breweries fell from 281 to 18, while the number of low-fermentation breweries rose from 135 to 831. The sole reason for this vast change—a change which involves a greater expenditure of time, labour, and money—is the additional command which it gives the brewer over the fortuitous ferments of disease. These ferments, which, it is to be remembered, are living organisms, have their activity suspended by temperatures below 10º C., and as long as they are reduced to torpor the beer remains untainted by either acidity or putrefaction. The beer of low fermentation is brewed in winter, and kept in cool cellars; the brewer being thus able to dispose of it at his leisure, instead of forcing its consumption to avoid the loss involved in its alteration if kept too long. "
"The Fortnightly, Volume 26" edited by John Morley, 1876, pages 561-562.

That's a pretty rapid change. In a single decade top-fermentation all but disappeared.

More Austria in 1865

You can blame Pivni Filosof for this. Asking questions after my last Austria in 1865 post. He got me thinking. Something that's always dangerous.

Austrian beer production and no. breweries in 1865
Kronländer	no. breweries	output (Austrian eimer)	output (hl)	population	pop. per brewery	output per head (litres)
Niederösterreich	127	2,864,015	1,621,183	1,990,700	15,674.80	81.44
Oberösterreich	286	958,256	542,423	736,500	2,575.17	73.65
Salzburg	76	315,144	178,388	153,200	2,015.79	116.44
Böhmen	1028	5,416,962	3,066,284	5,140,200	5,000.19	59.65
Mähren	281	1,233,405	698,172	2,030,800	7,227.05	34.38
Schlesien	80	283,742	160,613	513,400	6,417.50	31.28
Ostgalizien	189	456,593	258,456
Westgalizien	124	276,853	156,713	5,444,000	43,904.75	7.63
Bukowina	20	48,681	27,556	513,400	25,670.00	5.37
Steiermark	125	547,500	309,914	1,137,700	9,101.60	27.24
Kärnthen	203	148,954	84,316	337,700	1,663.55	24.97
Krain	23	45,732	25,887	468,800	20,382.61	5.52
Küstenland	2	1,016	575	602,000	301,000.00	0.1
Tirol und Vorarlberg	143	291,843	165,198	885,400	6,191.61	18.66
Ungarn und Serbien	286	846,383	479,097	11,180,000	39,090.91	4.29
Croatien und Slavonien	27	45,522	25,768	868,400	32,162.96	2.97
Militärgrenze	34	52,040	29,457	1,197,200	35,211.76	2.46
Siebenbürgen	84	110,576	62,592	2,122,500	25,267.86	2.95
Total 1865	3,138	13,943,217	7,892,591	35,321,900	11,256.18	22.34
Sources:
http://www.populstat.info/
“Bericht über der Welt Ausstellung zu Paris im Jahre 1867, volume 7”, 1868, page 125.

A couple of points. The population figures are for slightly later, 1869 to be precise. But close enough to be meaningful.

Despite the text claiming that it was boom time for Austrian brewing, the amount of beer produced per head was quite small. Only Salzburg, Niederösterreich and Oberösterreich look impressive. I'll remark that Salzburg, the are producing relatively the most, had been part of Bavaria for a few years during the Napoleonic Wars. Bohemia and Moravia were well behind, which came as a bit of a surprise. As the reputation of Bohemian beer in particular was on the up.

That'll do for now. But I don't think I've quite finished with these numbers yet.

Stockholm (part four)

That's right. I'm not done with Stockholm yet. Oh, no. Lots more to come. Unless I get distracted.

Wednesday, that's where we were, wasn't it? After the Vasa museum we didn't just hide in our hotel. Let's be more specific, me and Dolores didn't hide in our hotel. The kids did. At least that's what we told them to do. They could have crept out. But I'm pretty sure Lexie was too interested in "A Shot at Love" to leave the room.

Stockholm is a big city. Which there's much more to it than just the centre. For pubs, the Södermalm district is hard to beat. Both Akkurat and Oliver Twist are located there. But neither were our destination on Wednesday evening. Akkurat was out of the game, being closed for Summer. As we were planning on eating, our choice was simple: Soldaten Svejk.

There's a big difference in the price of lunch and dinner in Sweden. At lunchtime, you can get a main course, salad and soft drink for 70 - 80 crowns. In the evening, you'll be lucky to get just a main course for double the price. Soldaten Svejk is an exception. They have meals for around 100 crowns. That's roughly 10 euros. Bargain.

Those of you with a shred of culture will have already guessed what sort of pub Svejk is. For the ignorant amongst you, it's a Czech pub. And not a bad one. There's a great range of draught Czech beer. Not just obvious stuff like Pilsner Urquell, Budvar and Krušovice. Quality stuff like Bernard. I had a dark Bernard, Dolores a light.

The food is proper Czech fare, too. Schitzel, goulash and an old favourite of mine, smazeny syr (fried cheese). Which is what I ate (just in the remote chance that you might be interested in my diet.)

We only had the one beer. Not been a very beery trip so far, has it? Will it get more so in the last two days? Tune in tomorrow to find out.



Krogen Soldaten Svejk
Östgötagatan 35,
11826 Stockholm.
Tel: 08 641 33 66
http://www.svejk.se

Bohemian lager in 1886

I've just remembered. This is supposed to be a summer of lager, not a summer of merchandising. Time to plunge my hand into the gravity table pot and see what I pull out.

Let's see what this is. Not too fat and not too sticky. Should do. It even illustrates a point. Perfatasterrific. Here we go then, some Bohemian lagers analysed in 1886.

Exactly what point might that be? I hear you ask. The Czech love of výčepní pivo. Schankbier if you're a German-speaker. Or desítka. The lagers below are unusually weak for everywhere except the Czech Republic. Just 9º or 10º Plato. And under 4% ABV. You wouldn't have found any lagers that weak in Bavaria.

The attenuation is surprisingly low, too. For a majority, it's less than 70%. My guess is that today it would be closer to 80%.

I wonder how many of the breweries still exist?


More lager fun on the way.

Unless I change my mind again.

Brewing in Prague in the 1830's

You guessed it. I'm still working my way through David Booth's "The Art of Brewing" The section on continental brewing really is fascinating. It's taught me loads. Assuming it's accurate, of course.

Today it's the turn of Prague. I remember reading years ago in a piece by, I think, Michael Jackson, that the dark beer of Prague had been top-fermented until the 1890's. Don't know how true that is. But it's no surprise that 60 years earlier, a decade before the first Pilsener was brewed, that Prague beer was top-fermented. What did come as more of a surprise was that they employed a decoction mash. I'd always assumed that was something else Groll The first brewer at Pilsner Urquell) brought with him from Bavaria. Assumptions. What dangerous things they are. I should have learned by now never to assume anything.

The lagering in ice cellars. That was a surprise, too. Prague beer was made by a strange hybrid of top- and bottom-fermentation brewing techniques. A bit like Alt, I suppose. Yet another oddity I'm sure someone will try to recreate sometime.

"METHOD OF BREWING AT PRAGUE, IN BOHEMIA.

The city of Prague has been famed for its breweries from time immemorial. These constitute the chief support of a great proportion of its inhabitants; and the beer, next to that of Bavaria, is accounted to be the best in Germany. The mode of brewing is very similar to that which is practised at Munich, except in the fermentation, which is of the opposite kind. The Brewers in the city draw one hundred gallons of beer from the quarter of malt, while those of the suburbs make ten to twelve gallons more; and, notwithstanding, the beer of the latter has a more agreeable taste than that of the former. The mash-tun and the copper are each square, or nearly so, like those at Munich; and the following is the general mode of manipulation : —

The liquor being first boiled in the copper, a certain quantity is let down into the mash-tun, where it stands until it is cooled down to 115 degrees. Others think it sufficiently low at 117 or even at' 122 degrees; and some add cold water, to accelerate the cooling. When judged at the proper heat, 14.2 quarters of ground malt are put into the tun; and immediately the mashing commences, which is continued nearly an hour. During the mashing, as much boiling liquor is turned on from the copper as raises the heat of the mash to 138 degrees with some brewers, and from 142 to 147 degrees with others.

Instantly after mashing, the copper, being emptied, is filled, with goods from the mash-tun; of which, it being so small as to contain only about one half, the remainder is allowed to stand in the tun. As soon as the goods in the copper begin to boil, they are returned upon the mash-tun, and well mixed, raising the tun to the heat of 153 or 154 degrees.

After this second mash, they proceed, in the same way, to fill the copper again with goods ; which when brought to the boiling heat, are also turned over upon the goods in the tun to be again mashed, which third mashing leaves the goods in the tun at the heat of 165 degrees. The copper is now charged with goods for the last time, allowed to boil for a quarter of an hour, and turned on and mashed as before. The heat of the tun is now 176 degrees.

The goods are now allowed to stand an hour; and the copper is charged with liquor, part of which is used in washing casks and other utensils. The tap-tree (which passes through the false, and plugs a hole in the real, bottom) is then loosened, and the wort is allowed to run, what we should call full cock, into the under-back, for the purpose of getting out any goods that may have found their way between the bottoms. After the worts begin to run pure, the tap is again shut, and the thick worts that have been drawn off are carried to the copper, and added to a portion of liquor which the copper had been allowed to retain. When this mixture has boiled for a quarter of an hour, it is turned upon the goods still standing in the mash-tun; but, in doing so, great care is taken that the goods be not stirred, lest they should be rendered turbid. By this new addition, the heat at the fluid surface of the mash-tun, for the under part is not disturbed, is increased to 183 degrees.

A small quantity of worts, about two-thirds of a barrel, the remnant of the runnings above mentioned, stands in the under-back. This is now put into the emptied copper, along with 35 pounds of good hops. When these hops have boiled, in this small portion of worts, for three quarters of an hour, half of them are taken out, and set aside for the second copper of worts; the remaining half being left for the first: for the copper is so small, that it cannot boil more than half of the worts standing in the mash-tun.

The worts are now drained from the tun ; and the first and second copper being boiled, each an hour, are taken to the coolers. When the second copper is cast, liquor is again heated, and turned, boiling, over the goods, without mashing. After draining from the mash-tun, this sparge is boiled, along with the hops of the two preceding worts, for an hour and a half, and then cast into a separate cooler. Another sparge is sometimes put on the goods, which is made into vinegar.

After being cooled down to 68 degrees (in some breweries only to 72), all the three worts are mixed together in a large gyle-tun, with 24 pounds of good yeast. Immediately after the addition of the yeast, the whole, being thoroughly roused, is drawn off into separate casks, each containing about 48 gallons, in which the wort ferments, and throws out yeast from the bung-holes. This tumultuary fermentation continues three or four days; and in three or four days more it becomes bright, and fitted for removal to the store-cellars of the retailers.

The beer-vaults of Prague, of which every publican Las one, are of the very best kind. The floor of each is covered with a deep mass of ice, which never melts; and upon this mass the beer is placed, when received from the brewer. After it has lain from four to six weeks on its icy bed, it is fit for drinking, and is served out to the customers in that chilly state."
"The Art of Brewing", by David Booth, 1834, Part III pages 31-33.

There's loads more of this stuff in case you think I'm nearly done. Hope. That would probably have been a more accurate verb to use than think.

The Bohemian method of decoction mashing

This is more like it. Jumping over the Bayerischer Wald into Bohemia. Exciting, isn't it? Well, I'm excited, even if you aren't. This is taken from "Schule der Bierbrauerei" pages 306-308.

In Bohemia decoction mashing is carried out differently to in Bavaria and provides an interesting practical example of dispensing with the last starch rest.

Before discussing this method in more detail we first need to learn more about the division of the brewing water. For 100 kg of malt 750 kg of water is required. Of this amount, a quarter is used for the Nachguß (sparge) and the rest for mashing, except for one thirtieth, which is used to dilute the first wort. Of the remaining mash water, four fifths is used for Ausschütten (pouring) and one fifth for the following temperature rises (Zubrühen). The 750 kg are divided like this:

435 kg pouring
108 kg warming
19 kg diluting the first wort
188 kg Nachguß

The water required for pouring [Ausschütten] is boiled in the kettle (a highly wasteful and unnecessary practice; rational brewers heat just a little water and put cold water into the mash tun) and put into the mash tun where it is allowed to cool (to 33º C in summer, 40º C in winter). The warming [Zubrühen] water is now put into the kettle and brought to the boil.

The ground malt is added to the cooled water in the mash tun and mashed well for 5 or 6 minutes, after which the boiling Zubrühen water is added and stirred in well. Then about a third of the mashed grains are moved to one side of the mash tun and transferred to the kettle as Dickmaische. There it is careful brought to the boil (to prevent burning or boiling over) and simmered for 30 minutes. The foam that accompanies saccharification then appears. As soon as this foam starts to disappear and the pale colour of the wort starts to turn brownish-yellow (as a result of the transformation of proteins) the Dickmaische is considered to have boiled long enough and is returned to the mash tun. There it is mixed in well. Now another Dickmaische is assembled, but from another side of the mash tun (why "from another side?" Hasn't it been mashed properly?) put into the kettle, boiled for 20 to 24 minutes (why not again until the appearance of signs of saccharification, as with the first Dickmaische?) and returned to the mash tun. Finally there is a third Dickmaische which is boiled for 20 minutes.

Through the three boils, the temperature in the mash tun is raised to 71-75º C. The remaining one thirtieth of the mashing water is now put into the kettle.

The wort is run off into the underback until it becomes clear. The cloudy wort (which is full of starch) is added to the boiling water in the kettle and boiled for several minutes (whereby the starch is gelatinised). It is returned to the mash tun, but without disturbing the sediment which has already settled. Then the saccharification is left to complete.

If, however, the intended complete saccharification can ever take place is doubtful, since, as Balling has shown, the temperature in the mash tun is already over 75º C after the third Dickmaische and is now raised even further.

It's pretty obvious from the snide comments that the author isn't too impressed with this method. I wonder if this is how they mashed at Pilsner Urquell 150 years ago? As some of the wort is boiled four times, I suppose this is a quadrupel decoction.

Pilsen

Breakfast is at 08:30 again. I'm down before that. Last night was the latest I've stayed out so far. It must have been getting on for 11 o'clock when we left the last pub.

After eating, there's enough time for Jim and I to take a look at the Staropramen brewery. The older bits of the brewery are quite impressive. I get another chance to stare longingly at a brewery yard. Unfortunately, we're a little too early for any of the neighbouring pubs. They don't open until 09:30. At least I get some photos of the brewery. No idea what I'll do with them, but I have them.

We're aiming for the first English-language tour of the day at Pilsner Urquell. The drive is our first taste of motorway in since Germany. It's no more palatable than usual. There's no great distance between Pilsen and Prague so it doesn't take long.



Pilsen - Na Spilce
U Prazdroje 7,
304 97 Plzeň.
Tel: 377 062 755,
http://www.naspilce.com/

After parking and buying tickets we still have a while before the tour starts. Luckily, the pub is open.

You remember me saying that beerhalls come in a variety of sizes? U Spilce is at the large end. F*cking enormous. And shinily new. They have a decent selection of beers on draught, including the two new Master beers - 13º amber and 18º dark. I go for the latter. It is 11:00 and it only comes in 40 cl glasses. There's time for three and a snack before the tour starts. I'm later glad that I had those three strong beers.

Master 18º Tmavé: very dark brown colour, sweet taste, toffee, liquorice and dates flavours. I'm surprised at how good this beer is. It's a decent try at a Doppelbock. I give in 62 out of 100.

A group of about 200 Chinese comes in. There's still plenty of seats left after they sit down. I told you this place was big. None of the Chinese seem to be drinking beer, which is a bit odd in a brewery. Then I spot a couple of the children - they can't be more than 7 or 8 years old - struggling with a half litre pot of Prazdroj. Very odd.

I'd been a bit worried at the entrance to the ticked office. There was display of beer bottles called "The World of SABMiller". A whole wall of dull lagers. It's not the sort of world I want to live in. Why such obtrusive corporate imagery? This is the home of pale lager. Shouldn't they be celebrating that rather than how well the parent company has played beer monopoly across Eastern Europe?

Pilsner Urquell tour

The tour begins with a film. The alarm bells start ringing (in my head) when it refers to Pilsner Urquell as a brand rather than a beer. Let's hope that's the end of the corporate bullshit. A bus takes us to the bottling plant. While waiting for the bus, I ask our guide if there's still a separate Gambrinus brewhouse. His answer is long and as clear as mud. At the end, I'm non the wiser about where Gambrinus is brewed. From the guide's hand gestures, it takes place somewhere in a far distant corner of the site.

The bottling line is in action and is an impressive sight. For 2 or 3 minutes. Unfortunately 3 Americans in another group ask the guide questions. Lots of questions. I'm not sure exactly what about, because they are stood some distance away and it's pretty noisy, what with the rattling of bottles and all. Twenty minutes later and they still have bottling questions. Pressure is starting to build in my bladder. I wonder if there's a bog close by?

Another 15 minutes and the Americans haven't run out of bottling questions. Something is about to run out of my bladder. I need a toilet and quick. We move on just in time. By the entrance there are toilets. Relieving myself is the biggest thrill of the day so far. It's going to be one of the highpoints of the next two hours.

Next it's the historic brewhouse. They stopped brewing here a couple of years ago. "Is Pilsner Urquell only brewed here?" Andy asks cheekily. "Yes, all the Pilsner Urquell in the Czech Republic is brewed here." "What about Poland?" "It's brewed there under license. But Czech Pilsner Urquell is only brewed here." "And Russia?" "It's brewed under licence there, too." So Pilsner Urquell is only brewed in the Czech Republic. Except when it's brewed in Poland or Russia.

We see another film. It repeats quite a bit of what was in the first. Loads more references to brand in place of beer. My feet are starting to ache from all the standing around. "Pilsner Urquell is brewed in exactly the same way as in 1842." says our guide proudly, "The process takes five weeks." Mmm. Didn't they used to lager it for 3 months?

The next multimedia installation is undergoing repair. A workman is painting a sign on the wall. I watch him for 5 minutes. It's more interesting than the rest of what's going on. I'm relieved to hear that the renovation means we'll have to skip the next film. What a shame. I was looking forward to hearing more about the Pilsner Urquell brand.

After the historic brewhouse we drop by the "working brewhouse". It looks no more lively than the museum one. Sorry, but I don't believe any brewing goes on here. This is a workday, but there's no evidence of any activity. It's also way too small to be brewing the quantity of beer they churn out. It dawns on me that the bottling line is the only real part of the brewery we're going to get to see.

I'm roused out of my torpor by an interesting nugget of information. They use directly fired coppers and the slight amber colour is the result of caramelisation. My day hasn't been totally wasted. Not quite. And until 1900 they got their yeast from Weihenstephan

The tour is becoming like a frustration dream, except there's no possibility of me waking up. Falling asleep, now there's a chance of that. "Stonch recommended this tour?" I ask Andy. "Yes. He must have had a babe showing him around and spent his time drooling over her." That turns out to be a remarkably accurate assessment.

Just two hours in and we finally get to the old lagering cellars. With only the occasional barrel remaining, they're quite a sad sight. Time for a beer finally? No, time for another bloody film. Great.

The beer used to be down here for three months, our guide says. Didn't he, what seems like several weeks ago at the start of this endurance test, tell us that the beer has always been made in 5 weeks? We see some of the old open fermenters, but it doesn't look like they are ever used. Finally we get to a cellar with some full barrels. A cellarmen serves us beer straight from one in plastic cups. I go back into the queue to get a second, as does Keith. We deserve it. In fact we deserve half the barrel. After what we've gone through.

It's cloudy and the guide tells us it's 6 weeks old and three quarters of the way through the lagering process. So it's lagered 8 weeks? Get your bloody story straight. That's the third different lagering time we've been given. This is the beer made on the old equipment. "Does it taste the same as the beer made the new way?" I ask. The guide spends the next 5 minutes giving me an answer that doesn't answer my question. The beer is a good bit better than what we drank in Prague yesterday. But it still isn't as good as I remember Prazdroj being in the 1980's.

By the time the tour finally draws to a close, I've been contemplating suicide as a method of escape for almost an hour. "I'll never take anyone on that again." says Andy. "Bloody Stonch."


Šenk Na Parkánu
Veleslavínova 4,
30114 Plzeň.
Tel: 377 235 574

We head for the brewery's museum pub, Na Parkánu, which sells unfiltered Urquell. It's a pleasant enough pub, with a couple of wood-panelled rooms. We each order an Urquell. Except Andy, of course. Still coffee time for him. The beer isn't bad and helps quell my anger a little. Not completely, but a little.

I would describe the pub more precisely, but that tour has taken away my will to live. Look at the photos. Unless my camera gets nicked before I get home. In that case you'll have to use your imagination.

Unfiltered Pilsner Urquell: hazy golden colour, bitter taste, butter, pepper, honey, resin and grass flavours. Quite nice, with lots of hop character. I score it 68 out of 100.

I have another snack. This time it's a klobasa. I had one in U Rotundy, but this one is a good deal classier.

On the way back to the minibus, I snap a couple of trams. For Andrew. He likes tram photos. The day hasn't been a total waste.

I do finally discover a way of getting rid of my extra crowns. I sell them to Andy. He'll be back again soon. Lucky bastard. Assuming he avoids the Urquell tour.