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The kids keep taking the piss out of me for not learning any Portuguese. Totally incorrectly.

“I know enough.”

“Like what?” Andrew asks.

“Sanitarios? The question mark in the tone is important.”

“Obviously.”

“And knowing where the bogs are is vital when you’re an oldie like me.”

“I don’t need to know that, Dad.”

“Carvalha. That’s oak.”

“Any non-alcohol-related words.” 

“Morango. Strawberry.”

“That’s something that was added to a beer, wasn’t it?”

“Maybe.”

“Learnt any new words that aren’t a fruit or type of food?”

“Er.”

“Got nothing?”

“Mandioca. Cassava.”

“Also in a beer?”

“No.“

“Part of a meal?”

“Possibly. That’s three new words. You should be congratulating me.”

“That’s not even a word a day.”

“Caju. Cashew.”

“You already knew that one.”

“I haven’t told you to fuck off yet, have II?”

“I’ve a feeling you’re about to, aren’t you?

“If it’s that obvious, I’ve no need to.”

“Right.”

“Tapioca. That’s a new one.”

“What does that mean?”

“Tapioca.”

“So the same as in English?”

“Yes. Still counts as a new word.”

“Even though it’s exactly the same as the English word?”

“Yes. It isn’t pronounced exactly the same.”

“You just did.”

“Because I’m not a native Portuguese speaker.”

“I’m going to say it now.”

“What?”

“Fuck off, Dad.”

“I’m glad you said it and not me.”

We have such inspiring conversations.