Flying to the tropics

Not too early a start. My flight isn't until 13:40. I leave just after 10 AM.

Why so early? I'm not flying KLM. Or one of their partners. Meaning no lounge access or, more significantly, pushing-in security and boarding. I've no idea how long the pissing around will take.

Today is Sunday. I only had my flights confirmed by the organisers on Thursday. I think they were waiting for money from the Bahia state government. Just as well I don’t have anything else to do.

I’ve also a fair bit of experience of South America. Despite the chaos, things usually get sorted. Eventually. Events have taught me to be more patient. Which isn’t a bad thing. Or maybe I’m just getting too old to worry about stupid shit.

I’m looking forward to seeing a new part of Brazil. Much further North than I’ve been before. To the tropics. I’m expecting exotic fruit and lots of sun. I’m especially looking forward to the latter. It being so fucking cold and grey in Amsterdam at the moment.

I remember to go through the Schengen security this time. So no passport control. Which speeds things up. No queue to speak of at security, either.

A homemade sandwiches and spiked coffee  breakfast.

How can I recreate the lounge experience? (At low cost, I might add.) I’ve brought my own sarnies. I say my own, Dolores made them. Better than I would have. ham, cheese, lettuce and cucumber. Heel erg lekker. As us Dutch people say.

What about the booze, though? Well, I'm not wasting dosh in a bar. I get myself a few miniatures of Jameson. Once I've found a relatively quiet spot close to, but not at, my gate, I grab a coffee. And discretely pour in some whisky to liven it up. And get stuck into reading Private Eye.

A quiet spot close to gate C5 at Schiphol.

Bum. My flight is delayed by 30 minutes. That wouldn't usually bother me on a long flight But I'm changing planes in Lisbon and only have 1 hour 20 minutes. It's going to be tight.

It says that the flight is boarding when the inbound flight hasn't even arrived. No way it's only going to be 30 minutes late.

When we finally get airborne, it's 50 minutes behind schedule. I'm starting to resolve myself to missing my connection. It's not such a biggie. They'll have to put me up in a hotel and I'll get the next day's flight. Could be worse.

I've never flown TAP before. It's a bit budget airline like, as you have to buy the food and drink. Still full from Dolores's sarnies, I limit myself to a brace of whiskies. To accompany reading Private Eye.

I ask the cabin crew about my connection. They tell me that staff in red jackets will be there to help. I hope so.

On the way to my gate in Lisbon airport.

It turns out to be true. The staff are there at various points to show the way to passport control and then to the gate. I get there 10 minutes before the scheduled departure time. When they're just finishing up boarding. That was much less stressful than I feared.

At least there's a screen to watch on this leg. Game Night, How to be Single and Hangover III entertain me for a while. Then the TV series Shrill.

TAP meal of beef stew and chips.

The main meal isn't too bad. Some sort of beef stew with chips. Just a shame there's no vinegar. Way better than the usual KLM slop.

When we hit Brazil, rather than heading for Salvador, we go to Fortalezza. where we have an unscheduled stop to refuel. Great. It makes us 90 minutes late.

Immigration takes no time, taking the priority queue. It’s great being an oldie person in Brazil. My bag comes out quickly, too. Leaving me time to browse the inbound duty free. And get myself a bottle of Dewar's. As I started off Schengen, there was no duty free for me in Amsterdam.

There's a bit of waiting for my lift in arrivals. But nothing too crazy. Then a wait for Jan Lichota, a Polish judge who was on the same flight. Soon we're rocking and rolling towards our hotel. Which is quite a drive away.

It's 1:30 by the time I’ve finished checking in. That's 5:30 Amsterdam time.

Just enough time for an eye-closer of whisky. Not that I really need it.




Disclaimer: my flights, hotels and most meals were paid for by the Brazilian International Beer Awards.