Melbourne pub crawl

Not too early a start today. James is picking us up at 11 AM. I rise at 9:30 AM, Andrew a little later.

We hit the breakfast room around 10 AM. I go for my usual bacon and scrambled egg combo. Andrew has nothing, not even a coffee or juice.

James suggests that we drop off our clothes to be washed and then wait in the Mitre. Which is sort of the oldest pub in Melbourne. Sort of, in that it's the oldest building in the city, but hasn't always been a pub.

The washing doesn't quite work out as planned. They want $225 to clean 15 shirts.

"You may as well buy new clothes at that price." James says.

We tip by the Mitre, anyway. It's quite incongruous. A two-storey building, with a sharply pitched roof, surrounded by tall office blocks. Inside, it's reassuringly English-looking, with a couple of different rooms.

We all get Stone & Wood Steinbier. Which is almost pitch black. A decent enough beer. Not sure what it gets from the Steinbier technique.

Despite not being noon, the pub soon starts filling up. There's baseball – from San Francisco - on the TV. It can’t possibly be live. Why the hell are they showing it? I suppose it makes a change from Aussie Rules games.

They’re playing some great tunes: Paul Revere and the Raiders, The Flamin’ Groovies, early Kinks. Exactly my sort of music.

I hear the staff say that they've got through 27 kegs of Guinness this week. That's the Lions fans for you.

After another beer, James suggests we drop by the Charles Dickens. To get there we have to pass through a rather grand Victorian shopping arcade. Which reminds me a lot of the arcades in Leeds. The pub is in the basement. Not the easiest of places to stumble across by accident.

Which is why it’s a shock that it’s so full. Mostly with diners. It's also surprisingly large. Lots of Lions fans, again. who have been a great boost to the local economy, spending 90 million dollars. According to James.

There are four hand pumps, including one for Tetley Bitter. But I know it isn't real cask. So, I get a Coopers Pale Ale instead. Andrew is on Lager. As he mostly is. They're showing highlights of Lions games on the TV.

Andrew polishes his pint off in a couple of minutes and goes to the bar for a refill.

“Getting the goggles on, Andrew?”

“What?”

“Getting in a flyer.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Getting in a bonus pint between rounds.”

“It’s only because you drink so slowly.”

“And not that you drink like a dehydrated horse?”

“Shut up, Dad.”

After a couple of pints, we jump on a tram. Jumping off again at the Exhibition building to have a quick look. Before hopping over the road to the Catfish. A pub that looks like it was formerly a shop. It's quite dark inside. But they do have a catfish in a tank.

I get Tropical Dust, Andrew a cider. Oddly, they do Philly cheese steak. Me and Andrew get one each. They're pretty good, and fill a hole. Andrew swaps to Lager. And gets in another flyer. As he is wont to do.

“Have a leaky glass again?”

“Just having a young man’s thirst. You probably can’t remember that far back.”

“Thanks.”

“What did I tell you about saying that?”

“Do it as often as possible?”

“Stop talking shit, Dad.”

When we’re done, we walk further into Fitzroy. To the rather lovely Lord Napier. On the way, I spot a laundromat. Soon, our shirts are washing away.

The Lord Napier has a small public bar containing the bar counter. With further rooms served through a hatch. In one of these rooms an open fire roasts. There are lovely old leaded glass windows. It reminds me of a classic Yorkshire pub.

"This was the Fitzroy supporters' pub. A now defunct VFL team." James tells us.

The walls are adorned with Fitzroy memorabilia. It’s rather sad.

James and I have an Oyster Stout. Which is rather nice. It contains real oysters. Andrew has a cider.

Opposite the pub is the very grand Fitzroy town hall. Totally over the top for a suburb. But rather lovely.

We go back to the laundrette and our washing is done. We load it into a dryer.

James suggests the Labor in Vain next. Which is close by. But closed. So we walk a little further to the Rooks Return. Another shop pub. With a tiny bar counter. Another cider for Andrew. An IPA for me and James.

After 6 minutes, Andrew goes back to the laundrette to check how our washing is drying. This repeats several times until it's dry. Well, dry enough for him. It’s not what I would call bone dry.

After a couple of pints - more for Andrew - James suggests we go to the brewery where he works. He orders an Uber.

We get out before the brewery to look at the tower from the Yorkshire brewery, which is now flats. It's pretty massive.

"It must have been a decent-sized brewery." I observe.

We slip in through the staff entrance to Stomping Ground. I'm surprised at the scale. Both of the brewery and tap room. We sit at one end of the bar.

Here the hand pulls are dispensing true cask. IPA and Manchester Bitter. Andrew has the former, I the latter. It's very pale and rather good.

"Is it based on Boddington Bitter?" I ask.

"No, Marble."

It's creamy and fruity, with a good hop balance.

James brings us a spirit. They had a surplus of Pale ale during Covid so got some distilled. At 70% it's pretty hot. And strangely fruity from the hop oils.

"We don't know what to do with it."

"You should sell it." It is quite good, after all. Or give it to me.  I’d be happy to give a home to a couple of bottles.

Feeling a bit hungry, I share a rump steak with Andrew. And drink a Porter. Which is also top class.

It's 9:30 PM and about time to leave. 

“Are you ready to go, Andrew.”

“I wouldn’t mind another pint.”

“You always want another pint. Let’s get off.”

I normally propose leaving a pint or two before I really want to go. Knowing that Andrew will always want more pints.’

“What about a bourbon?” Andrew suggests.

“OK. One bourbon and then we leave.”

After saying our goodbyes to James, we Uber back to our hotel. Andrew goes out to pick up supplies for tomorrow’s train journey. Sandwiches, crisps, bourbon, beer.

I go to bed a little later than I'd hoped, at midnight. Andrew is still up.



The Mitre Tavern
5 Bank Pl, 
Melbourne VIC 3000.
http://www.mitretavern.com.au/


The Charles Dickens Tavern
290 Collins St, 
Melbourne VIC 3000.
http://thecharlesdickenstavern.com.au/


The Catfish
30 Gertrude St, 
Fitzroy VIC 3065,
http://www.thecatfish.com.au/


Napier Hotel
210 Napier St, 
Fitzroy VIC 3065.


The Rooks Return
201 Brunswick St, 
Fitzroy VIC 3065.
http://therooksreturn.com.au/


Stomping Ground Brewery & Beer Hall
100 Gipps St, 
Collingwood VIC 3066.
http://www.stompingground.beer/