Tuesday 19 December 2023

It's that time of year again

What I like to call Drinkalongathon season. So it's time to get your eggs and string at the ready for the big day next week.

Am I going to do this for yet another year? Sure as hell I am. As long as there's string to be cut and eggs to be boiled.

Here's what you'll need to participate in Drinkalongathon 2023:

1 bottle Islay whisky (as expensive as you can afford)
7 pieces of string
4 hard-boiled eggs
3 soft-boiled egos
1 rubber egg (realistic)
2 bottles fino sherry
1 bottle scummo sherry
2 more pieces of string
4 slices of bacon
3 vegan sausage rolls
2 chains
0.5 back
3 quarters (wings)
100 weights
500 feet (a whole sheet)
3 yards (or gardens)
7 lengths of string
1 apple
2 bottles of port (one street, one dinner table)
3 bottles of fairly decent wine* (one white, one red, one red and white mixed (or rosé if you're being a  posh git))
24 cans of Whitbread Gold Label** (for the lucky bastards who can buy it still)
4 cans of baked beans (2 Imperial pints), own brand only
2 Imperial pint glasses (preferably nonic or tulip, oversized)
1 crate St. Bernardus Abt (the Christmas version is an acceptable substitute, for jammy twats lucky enough to find it)
17 shorts of string
1 duck
2 dives
1 comically large pencil, not necessarily sharp
1 rubber duck (yes, the last one was a real fucking duck)
Stuffing of your own choice*** (For the real duck, obviously, not the rubber one. Unless you really are dead thick and were confused by the order of the items.)
1 bottle of rum (with at least 3 years of ageing in wood.) (Or cachaca.)
7 bottles of beer from the Lidl Oktoberfest package****
1 coffee, surreptitiously laced with an octuple measure of cheap whisky/any other spirit hanging around unattended
2 mince pies (for decorative purposes only)
2 limes
6 lines (of chalk)
3 times
4 pines (cones)
13 (at least) of my books
2 rolls (soft)
3 rocks (hard)
1 satsuma (or other easily-peeled orange citrus fruit)

That's all I can think of for the moment. I may recall other essential items later. As a pensioner, I'm just glad I can remember both of my names when I get up in the morning: Reginald Peterson.

* Costing less than 3 euros a pop. Preferably less than 2. And litre size.

** I'll happily trade the recipe for a case or two of 1950s Tennant's Gold Label.

*** I'm no stuffing Nazi.

**** Coincidentally, exactly how many bottles I have left.


The Beer Nut said...

Step into Christmas, Reg.

A Brew Rat said...

You lost me at the vegan sausage rolls.

Anonymous said...

Cliff's list this year only has mistletoe, wine, children singing Christian rhymes, logs on the fire, gifts on the tree, and a dozen cans of Gulpener Gladiator.

InSearchOfKnowledge said...

3 soft boiled egos? Funny that one.

Anonymous said...

I can hardly weight. Where will I get 100 weights by next Tuesday?

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