I don’t sleep that well. Imagining all sorts of nightmare scenarios. This could work out very expensive. Dolores will not be happy if I have to fork out a couple of thousand euros for a stupid mistake. All of my own making.
Most of the judges have already left. Only a couple are around at breakfast. I would have my usual. Except that there’s no scrambled egg. Leaving my plate looking rather sad with just cheese.
One of the staff brings out a plate from the kitchen for another guest. It’s scrambled egg. She notices me looking and gestures asking if I want some, too. I nod vigorously. Phew. Breakfast saved. If only that was my biggest worry.
I’m still doing some heavy-duty fretting. However I look at it, my chances of catching my Amsterdam flight don’t look great. Everything will have to run perfectly for me to be successful. Even the slightest delay could be disastrous. How often have I been on a flight that was 20 or 30 minutes late? Far too often for me to feel comfortable.
I check out at midday. And jump in an Uber to the airport.
It’s three hours until my first flight. I decide not to check in a bag. To make my exit from my arrival airport in Rio quicker. Just as well my check-in bag is small enough for hand baggage.
There are a couple of cafés and bars airside. I’m too stressed for alcohol. I want to keep a clear head, too. I get a baguette from the oddly-named Smell café. I think “aroma” is the word they were looking for.
You have to tick boxes on a form to say what fillings you want. Most of the options, I can’t understand. Which is why I end up with a boiled egg and red onion baguette.
Reassuringly, my flight is listed as on time. Now. Hopefully, that doesn’t change.
I read some Private Eye. And look at the Guardian website on my phone. I’m so modern, now. Just like one of those young people. Whose faces are permanently glued to their phones.
The flight is, indeed, on time. Even better, it’s a little early. Pulling away from the gate 10 minutes before the scheduled departure time. A good start. Still a long way to go, mind. I’m still feeling very stressed.
We arrive in Congonhas early, too. No air bridge, though. Meaning a bus ride to the terminal. My connecting flight is also out on the tarmac. Fortunately, the bus goes from the very next bay. That’s handy. My luck is holding.
I spend no time, really, between flights. And the second one also leaves early. Things are going about as well as they could. I let Jose know that I should be arriving on time. It’s still going to be tight. My heart is racing. Which is worrying.
As soon as we land in Rio, I message Jose. He’ll see me in arrivals.
With no checked-in bag, I walk straight to arrivals. It only takes us a couple of minutes to meet up. We climb into his car at 17:00. I feel relieved. Until Jose points out that the satnav estimates that it will take 53 minutes for the trip. Which is 57 minutes before my Amsterdam flight is scheduled to leave.
When does check in close for intercontinental flights? Forty minutes before departure? I hope so. If it’s an hour, I’m screwed.
The traffic is bad. We often slow almost to a standstill. The satnav estimates our arrival time at 19:53 or 19:54 for most of the journey. But as we get closer, it drops to 19:48. Which is exactly when we pull up at international departures.
I quickly find the KLM desk. It’s very quiet. And there’s a sign saying: “closed”. It doesn’t look good.
“Can I check in for the Amsterdam flight?”
“Yes, you’ve got a minute. Can I see your passport?”
Phew. As my bag rolls away on the conveyor belt relief rolls over me. That was way too fucking close. If we’d been stopped by one more red light, I’d have missed my flight. I’m glad that I didn’t know the cutoff time was 60 minutes. I’d have been worried sick the whole car ride.
That was far too much of an adventure. I get anxious enough just watching Race Around the World. I don’t want to live it.
Boarding has already started before I’m through security. It’s a long walk to my gate. With a couple of minutes’ delay at the duty free, I arrive at the gate 30 minutes before departure.
Once on board, I nip to the bogs to down a couple of miniatures I bought in the duty free. Just to calm my nerves. What a stressful day it’s been. Not one I’d like to repeat.
We take off pretty much on time. Just 10.5 hours and I’ll be back in Amsterdam.
A French-speaking couple sit next to me. They’ve brought McDonald's with them. KLM food isn’t great, but is it that bad?
The main meal – chicken with cheese on top – is surprisingly edible. One of the best meals I’ve had for a while on a KLM flight. Though that isn’t saying very much. The bar is barely at shoe-height.
I start watching some Mission Impossible nonsense. But doze off halfway.
I don’t sleep that well. I can’t really get comfortable. A couple of hours out from Amsterdam I give up and return to Mission Impossible. It hasn’t got any less ridiculous while I’ve been dozing.
The main part of breakfast is a bit weird. On the plus side, there’s some fruit. And coffee and orange juice.
When we arrive, I’m feeling pretty tired. Thankfully, I don’t have to piss around for too long in the airport.
When I roll up at home, Dolores opens the door. Of course, she has tea waiting for me. My first cup in over a week. It tastes so good.






































