Leaving Amsterdam

Slight panic just before leaving. When I try to order an Uber, it tells me my linked credit card has expired. So a little last-minute fiddling is required.

Which means I arrive at the airport a little later than intended. Cutting down on my lounge time. Luckily, not much of a queue for passport control. So soon I’m in the duty free, stocking up on the essentials: a bottle of hotel whisky, Tomatin, and some miniatures for the plane.

The lounge is fairly busy. I kick off with my usual whisky and whiskey combination: Teachers and Jim Beam. No chipolatas today. Instead, there’s chicken bacon, which I give a miss. It’s just scrambled egg and mushrooms. A bit disappointing.

There’s only time for three rounds of whisky before I have to head off to my gate. Timing it well, I arrive a couple of minutes before it’s time to board. All pretty painless so far.

Amazingly, we leave the gate before scheduled departure time. Though it’s after scheduled time when we get to the Polderbaan for actual take off.

A pensioner couple from Wakefield sit next to me. They’re off on a four-week tour of South America. Including a cruise around Patagonia. Sounds like a lot of fun. Though a bit chilly at this time of year.

I spend the first 90 minutes of the flight reading Private Eye. Not wanting to get stuck into the films straight away.

First film is Showing Up. A film as dull as the colours in the main characters sculptures. It wanders along at an incredibly slow pace with nothing much happening. I’m still not sure what it’s supposed to be about.

Next is a Mission Impossible film. Which trundled along through all sorts of clichéd scenes. Like a fight on the roof of the Orient Express. And mostly seemed designed to let Tom Cruise do some showy-offy stunts. It was over 2 hours, but only part one. At least it filled in a lot of time.

The couple next to me aren’t very happy that, despite us being in seats which cost more, we’re the last to be served our food. And there’s only the vegetarian option left. After complaining, they’re given Premium Economy meals. Later the purser comes by to give a quite aggressive non apology. Not great customer service.

When the coffee is brought around after the first meal, I take the opportunity to add some knives to it from my whisky miniatures. Which, after the unappetising chicken sausage and mash, cheers me up a bit.

Amsterdam, the film, that is, is like Citizen Kane compared to the Mission Impossible twaddle. And fills up some more time in a reasonably fun way.

The final film is Deadpool 2. Which was pretty entertaining. Though we arrive before it ends.

As usual, there’s a huge long walk to immigration. Luckily, most of the pensioners on the plane don’t realise that they can go use the priority lane. Meaning there’s not much of a queue.

Normally, as it’s marked priority, my checked bag is one of the first out. That doesn’t seem to be the case today. Leaving me plenty of scope for worrying. Though I do have a change of clothes in my carry-on bag.

Next it’s time to get some cash and prepay a taxi. Soon we’re bouncing along the motorway and penetrating some massive tunnels on our way to Ipanema. Where I usually stay in Rio. At least this driver isn’t watching TV. That’s a plus.

After settling in my room for a while, it’s off to the supermarket. Where I buy a couple of rolls, cheese and some drinks. Just some ballast before heading off to dreamland. Which is where some whisky quickly takes me.