When I started this - sometine in the past I can't remember exactly when - I never expected this tradition to last beyond Boxing Day.
But here I am after (check number of years) years still peddling this shite.
To take Brexit into account, there's a different set of required items this year. So pay close attention to what follows, or you won't be fully able to take part in the most wonderful event of the year.
4 pieces of string (this year 2 medium and 2 long: no short string)
3 bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a depressing year)
1 egg, boiled, semi-hard
1 egg, boiled, dead hard
1 egg, boiled, die hard
1 medium rare chicken fillet
3 more bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a damn depressing year)
12 bottles of St. Bernardus Abt
3 more bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a bloody depressing year)
1 egg, soft boiled
3 more bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a shitty depressing year)
4 elastic bands, blue (no other colours are acceptable, not even turquoise)
1 carrot that's been up a reindeer's arse.
1 mouse trap
Several claptraps
A Salty Dog (the album)
3 more bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a bastard depressing year)
More string
A bag of salt
Salt of the earth
3 more bottles of Lagavullin (it's been a fucking depressing year)
Really thick string
Quite clever string
2 racists (boxed)
3 raw eggs
Maybe some more Lagavullin. Just in case.
This year I'm sorted for the sting and eggs, and depressing though it is it shouldn't be too hard to find some racists to box. It is a little Lagavullin heavy though, and I'm not much of a spirits drinker. Do you think I could sub out some of it for more St. Bernardus Abt?
ReplyDeleteNo reindeer-arsed carrots at hand despite a decent though ultimately unfruitful attempt that resulted in a goring. Did managed’em to accept a parsnip eventually. I hope to be out of ER in time to participate provided the parsnip is an acceptable substitute. Fingers crossed.
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